"How Do I Stop My Parents From Constantly Asking Me For Money? How Do I Say No?": Expert Advises

• A frustrated Kenyan man sought advice on how to manage his finances as he found himself donating all his money to friends and family
• The generous man revealed he sends money to needy people, but since he exhausts all his money, he needs to find a balance
• Finance and leadership consultant Susan Mtana advised him to prioritise his needs and limit sacrificing his money for others

An anonymous Kenyan man wrote:

"How do I stop people from asking me for money? How do I say no? I am always giving until I have nothing. I don't give for wasteful reasons, but these cases are needy. How do I say no to people, especially parents, friends, and family?"

Susan Mtana is a finance and leadership consultant with 12 years of experience in financial services, logistics, and non-profit industries.

Why you should budget

Susan Mtana, a finance and leadership consultant, advised the man to budget his money.

In an exclusive interview with TUKO.co.ke, Mtana explained that he cannot please everyone.

"What I can advise is that once he gets the money, he should create a budget. A budget will guide him on how much from his salary he's giving to his parents. Even if there are needy cases, let me tell you one thing: you cannot solve all the problems in this world. So, you cannot solve everything."

The finance consultant asked him to prioritise his needs before others. She clarified that although there are needy cases, he should not donate his money throughout the month.

"Another important point is that he should prioritise himself. Self-care is essential because you can't sacrifice your well-being to give to others. Sure, there are needy cases, but you can't be giving to them from the 1st to the 31st. Some people, even family members, may assume that because you're in the city, you're earning a lot and living large, but that isn't always the reality," she explained.

How to budget your money

Mtana discussed the best savings option, the 50-30-20 rule.

The guideline suggests how to allocate your after-tax income into three categories. These are needs (50%), wants (30%) and savings (20%).

"When he receives his salary, he should prioritise saving and covering his necessities. He can follow a 50-30-20 rule, where 30% can be allocated for giving, charities, or discretionary spending. If he exhausts that 30% on giving, then he should just say no if asked for more. He should not give what he doesn't have. It's important to remember that takers don't have limits, so it's up to him to set those limits," she expounded.

Allocate a percentage to your parents

For close family, Mtana said he should sit them down and explain that he will offer a certain percentage of his income based on his current financial goals.

She noted that he must make them understand that he isn't necessarily earning as much as they might think.

"One important thing to remember is that you can't control what people do; you can only control how you give. So, let him take charge of what he can control: his giving."

How to deal with self-esteem issues

According to Mtana, one can be overgenerous if they have trauma issues.

In this case, the person feels validated only when they give. To solve this, she recommended seeking counselling services from a qualified psychologist.

"He may have deeper emotional needs that require counselling or therapy, not necessarily related to money. It's crucial to learn to say no. No is a complete answer. If someone comes to you with a request, it's okay to say, 'Unfortunately, I am not in a position to help at this moment," without feeling guilty because that is the truth of the matter'."

Disclaimer: The advice in this article is general and not intended to influence readers' decisions about solving financial challenges. Before making a financial decision, readers should always seek professional advice that considers their circumstances.

Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at askanexpert@tuko.co.ke with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.

Broke man seeks advice

In a separate story, a 27-year-old Kenyan man who earns KSh 35,000 sought advice on how to manage his expenses.

After deducting all expenses, he's left with just KSh 100.

The man broke down his monthly expenses, including allocations to rent, his girlfriend and siblings who depend on him.

Personal finance expert Eric Muchoki advised him to start saving little amounts by cutting on some non-essential items.

Proofreading by Mercy Nyambura Guthua, journalist and copy editor at TUKO.co.ke